我有点头晕。喝得什么？忘记了。这脸好像又不是我熟识的那张脸。眼神更清澈一些？谈笑更洒脱些？我想看看清楚。是不是昔日的好友。让我过去打个招呼。先抽只烟。哦。我是不抽烟的。那再来一杯吧。金汤力。可以走近一点看么。恩，好就这里。再辨认一下是不是他。打错招呼怎么办。会不会太唐突。似乎也没关系。能喝就是友。他举起杯子朝我这里微微颔首。是跟我打招呼么？好像是的哦。

仰首喝酒，其实没多少酒精。生意人都小气，鸡尾酒里面没什么酒。一杯下肚，没想到那张脸已经在我面前了。近在咫尺。切近而又遥远――原来一直是错觉，这是个不一样的人，还是个外国人，漂亮的。我不好意思的笑。

（以下翻译自英文）

那张脸开口了：小姐一个人来？

恩是的。

请问，我是不是张的很像某个人？

又来了，错觉又来了。但是很清醒他不是我的旧友。于是先点头又摇头。最后还是点头。连这种自负的语气都很像。“啤酒喝么？这里的鲜榨黑皮不错。”“恩，好。”“1L？”“不，0.3就可以。”“请。”他自顾自仰头开始喝。

很高兴认识你。

我也是。

我还有朋友，失陪。

好。

他转身，动作华丽却毫不矫情。罗马青年（绘画系学生素描课上的石膏像罗马青年）式的卷发，黑白方格的经典款式毛衣，黑色估计是麻料的裤子，步幅优雅，路过人群时欠身让端着酒水的服务生先过――这个细节让我心动。

时间磨的差不多，也听够了小曲喝够了小酒，我起身要走。

Hey。回头看，是那张脸。

不喝了？

不喝了。

晚上有什么安排呢？

我？和你？

恩。跟我一起？

你朋友呢？

走完了亚。

不，不行。

决定回家？

是的。

我可以吻你吗？

现在？

可以吗？

看到77的签名丁小姐感触万千。巧合的是，在这之前丁小姐正好在思考“我的生活应该是什么样子”。今天去逛超市的时候，又闻到了久违的夏天的气息。在逛的时候，突然就想到以下的词句。

我的生活应该是这样子的，墙上贴满了我要学习的资料，我像小猫一样的游走在家具之间，思维是紧张的，而生活是烂漫和放荡的。我喜欢夏天，我喜欢晒太阳，应该有一面墙完全透光——或者有一个曾经有过的硕大玻璃窗。我就在那里面喝茶、读书、长大。我的生活还应该充满流浪。我抓紧每一分每一秒可以出离的时间外出流浪。我要去那些我没有去过的城市。见那些我没有见过的人。我要深深的钻入城市里，乡野间，让自己充满风情……

前几天安德里亚斯又发来他最新的设计，比当年的他更现代更有技巧。我于是第一千零一次的想起了当年的自己。我至今感激当年的伙伴们让我有了难以忘怀的岁月。我跟邱比特说：somehow含蓄离开了上海。与此同时我想起了所有人。不晓得那个湖边的别墅，什么时候可以真的实现，我依然不知道结局。

引 1：《纽约时报》

China’s Loyal Youth By MATTHEW FORNEY

As is clear to anyone who lives here, most young ethnic Chinese strongly support their government’s suppression of the recent Tibetan uprising. One Chinese friend who has a degree from a European university described the conflict to me as “a clash between the commercial world and an old aboriginal society.” She even praised her government for treating Tibetans better than New World settlers treated Native Americans.

It’s a rare person in China who considers the desires of the Tibetans themselves. “Young Chinese have no sympathy for Tibet,” a Beijing human-rights lawyer named Teng Biao told me. Mr. Teng — a Han Chinese who has offered to defend Tibetan monks caught up in police dragnets — feels very alone these days. Most people in their 20s, he says, “believe the Dalai Lama is trying to split China.”

Educated young people are usually the best positioned in society to bridge cultures, so it’s important to examine the thinking of those in China. The most striking thing is that, almost without exception, they feel rightfully proud of their country’s accomplishments in the three decades since economic reforms began. And their pride and patriotism often find expression in an unquestioning support of their government, especially regarding Tibet.

The most obvious explanation for this is the education system, which can accurately be described as indoctrination. Textbooks dwell on China’s humiliations at the hands of foreign powers in the 19th century as if they took place yesterday, yet skim over the Cultural Revolution of the 1960s and ’70s as if it were ancient history. Students learn the neat calculation that Chairman Mao’s tyranny was “30 percent wrong,” then the subject is declared closed. The uprising in Tibet in the late 1950s, and the invasion that quashed it, are discussed just long enough to lay blame on the “Dalai clique,” a pejorative reference to the circle of advisers around Tibet’s spiritual leader, the Dalai Lama.

Then there’s life experience — or the lack of it — that might otherwise help young Chinese to gain a perspective outside the government’s viewpoint. Young urban Chinese study hard and that’s pretty much it. Volunteer work, sports, church groups, debate teams, musical skills and other extracurricular activities don’t factor into college admission, so few participate. And the government’s control of society means there aren’t many non-state-run groups to join anyway. Even the most basic American introduction to real life — the summer job — rarely exists for urban students in China.

Recent Chinese college graduates are an optimistic group. And why not? The economy has grown at a double-digit rate for as long as they can remember. Those who speak English are guaranteed good jobs. Their families own homes. They’ll soon own one themselves, and probably a car too. A cellphone, an iPod, holidays — no problem. Small wonder the Pew Research Center in Washington described the Chinese in 2005 as “world leaders in optimism.”

As for political repression, few young Chinese experience it. Most are too young to remember the Tiananmen massacre of 1989 and probably nobody has told them stories. China doesn’t feel like a police state, and the people young Chinese read about who do suffer injustices tend to be poor — those who lost homes to government-linked property developers without fair compensation or whose crops failed when state-supported factories polluted their fields.

Educated young Chinese are therefore the biggest beneficiaries of policies that have brought China more peace and prosperity than at any time in the past thousand years. They can’t imagine why Tibetans would turn up their noses at rising incomes and the promise of a more prosperous future. The loss of a homeland just doesn’t compute as a valid concern.

Of course, the nationalism of young Chinese may soften over time. As college graduates enter the work force and experience their country’s corruption and inefficiency, they often grow more critical. It is received wisdom in China that people in their 40s are the most willing to challenge their government, and the Tibet crisis bears out that observation. Of the 29 ethnic-Chinese intellectuals who last month signed a widely publicized petition urging the government to show restraint in the crackdown, not one was under 30.

Barring major changes in China’s education system or economy, Westerners are not going to find allies among the vast majority of Chinese on key issues like Tibet, Darfur and the environment for some time. If the debate over Tibet turns this summer’s contests in Beijing into the Human Rights Games, as seems inevitable, Western ticket-holders expecting to find Chinese angry at their government will instead find Chinese angry at them.

看着看着《左右》，丁小姐又睡着了。。。那天看《史前一万年》睡着的时候，女朋友说，你真像个宝宝，先是吵着来看，随即又沉沉睡去。是啊，丁小姐一直想像个婴儿般的活着。在历经一夜的拼酒，直到凌晨五点看着dawn一点点的，发自内心的亲吻了一个漂亮男孩，又在九点精神抖擞的去上班。

今天不知道为什么，早上醒来的时候，突然意识到自己骗了自己的心好久好久。其实丁小姐就是属于热爱自由的人。丁小姐实在怀念在国外的生活。丁小姐就是喜欢没有压力，也不用住很高级的房子，但是必须要有点小资产阶级的情怀。一个贴有马赛克墙花的浴室，一个只有书桌、桌上有盏灯的房子，可以像只小猫一样的懒懒晒着脚趾甲，或者喝一杯香喷喷的茶。

丁小姐有时候自己都不晓得在上海做什么。只是有一次与女朋友聊天的时候，一致都认定我们终将离开中国。现在作所的，这样、那样，种种，只是很想试试看，自己究竟可以耐受多久。也许一年两年，也许五年十年。只是前几天又特别满怀香港。好希望九月可以成功。

也不需要太多的什么。下班后买好要换的鲜花，在沙发里写点记忆。顺便要准备第二天的工作。到十二点看一部电影。

这是丁小姐的另一个自己。无法定义，却100％的自己。

闹剧常有。只是丁小姐不屑顾及。真正的闹剧并不是表现出来的没有教养，而是刻意掩藏下，又无力掩藏的没有教养。

丁小姐是厌恶这种闹剧的。

“所谓经典，就是用十年的时间来酝酿一座好房子”！？丁小姐实在忍不住掷臂抗议：不要再以广告人的名义制造语言垃圾了！虽然还未曾真正涉足传播学的学术领域，丁小姐已经发现国内大部分传媒导向的问题。媒体人难道枯竭了，再没有好的语义？那些不懂得生活的人，大言不惭的宣扬生活主义，实在有损社会大语言环境。

丁小姐总是觉得，若真的没有学识涵养，大可不必抛头露脸的显摆自己，或者做些更有意义的事情。比如呆在角落看看书？你说呢。

真是个闹剧。

每次听着bob Dylan的歌都觉得心很安。摇滚的也好，早期民谣的也好。

最近无端端的开始翻Beatles的唱片来听，看他们的荒诞电影，想象他们第一次抽大麻的样子，也顺便回忆了《昨天》里面，贾宏声的心路历程，还顺便找了一些滚石的歌。

我怀念青春。怀念那个可以不顾一切的青春。我又开始偏头痛，幻想站在桌子上跳舞，幻想撕心裂肺的呼喊。我很难说这是不是一种痛楚。有时候就像个梦。我不知道是从哪里开始，我又变的不正常。也许我从来就没有正常过。即使当我衣冠楚楚的对客户微笑的时候，心依然是痛的。

昨晚听了一首歌，是蔡琴的《你不要那样看着我的眼睛》。思绪好像回到我很小的时候。飘荡在黄浦江的游轮，看浦西灯火在我眼前一点点退去，记忆犹新。

我一直有种感觉，在我看《昨天》的时候，总觉得贾宏声就是我自己。沉沦在不知所以的力量里，走也走不出去。昨晚我开心的淋了一场雨，在雨中，我回忆起北京马路的广袤中叫着自己名字的自己，就好像在回音壁哭泣。我还回忆起自己与这个人那个人说过的一些约定，我又开始考虑去迷笛。

我小心翼翼的走着，如履薄冰。我相信，终有一天可以走到自己预期的前景。即使不可以，我也将像bob Dylan那样，砸碎钢琴，拾起电音，留一段摇滚的噪音。

很小的时候。

小小的我握着尖尖的笔。

书写着一行行：欲速则不达。

那年，我五岁。

严格遵守传统礼教的母亲在我很小的时候就压着我练习书法。

在不太谙人事的时候，我只知道，“欲”和“速”这两个字实在太难写好。

多年后，才渐渐明白。“迅速”这个字眼对我来说，是场奢华的梦，做也做不来。或者是把尖锐的刀，碰到一点都能将我刺倒……